With his Coldblood, Lan Xichen feels the warmth of Jin Guangyao's hands all the more keenly. He can feel the callouses from Hensheng and the guqin and the lines etched into the delicate skin of his palms.
He's about to protest that it must be enough, that he must make it be so; these feelings of his were not Jin Guangyao's responsibility, he should not be shackled by Lan Xichen's emotions.
He raises his head, meeting the other man's gaze and what he sees kills the words in his throat. That dreadful, horrible hope flares in his chest, that thing that whispers in his ears, urging him to rip the shackles from his body, because here, here, they are less than the most fragile paper. Their obligations that had been decided by their births are far away, in another world. Here, in this twisting world of nightmares, they are free to carve their own paths.
His hands tighten around Jin Guangyao's, and he tries to swallow down that hope, but it will not be denied, it will not allow anything to pass from his lips except...
"Yes."
He breathes the word like it's the first warm day of spring, fresh and full of promise. Winter will come again, of course, but there is something gentle here for them, a place to make themselves ready and face whatever they must together.
"A-Yao, I've always loved you."
He leans into Jin Guangyao's touch, the tightness that had seized his throat now gradually loosening.
"...And I always will."
It is a simple statement of fact. Whatever had happened, that part of him had never wavered.
"Here... if you like, I can show you, every day."
His ears flush blue when he remembers what he overheard his brother and Wei Wuxian say once, and he immediately regrets his choice of words. He'd like to think he has a little bit more restraint than that!
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He's about to protest that it must be enough, that he must make it be so; these feelings of his were not Jin Guangyao's responsibility, he should not be shackled by Lan Xichen's emotions.
He raises his head, meeting the other man's gaze and what he sees kills the words in his throat. That dreadful, horrible hope flares in his chest, that thing that whispers in his ears, urging him to rip the shackles from his body, because here, here, they are less than the most fragile paper. Their obligations that had been decided by their births are far away, in another world. Here, in this twisting world of nightmares, they are free to carve their own paths.
His hands tighten around Jin Guangyao's, and he tries to swallow down that hope, but it will not be denied, it will not allow anything to pass from his lips except...
"Yes."
He breathes the word like it's the first warm day of spring, fresh and full of promise. Winter will come again, of course, but there is something gentle here for them, a place to make themselves ready and face whatever they must together.
"A-Yao, I've always loved you."
He leans into Jin Guangyao's touch, the tightness that had seized his throat now gradually loosening.
"...And I always will."
It is a simple statement of fact. Whatever had happened, that part of him had never wavered.
"Here... if you like, I can show you, every day."
His ears flush blue when he remembers what he overheard his brother and Wei Wuxian say once, and he immediately regrets his choice of words. He'd like to think he has a little bit more restraint than that!